Bastard Sons of Wynalda

Protection From Who Tommy, ze Impact?

2011-11-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

By the time this article is finished, the Philadelphia Union will probably already have submitted their protected players list for this years expansion draft. I’m sorry I didn’t get this in sooner, but I’m not that sorry. As most people know, the teams are required to protect three international players. Luckily, this isn’t a problem for the Union this year as compared to last year when they had to waste valuable protected spots on useless Juan Diego Gonzalez and Toni “Blows Goats” Stahl. I’d take four international players. They are listed as follows:

1. Roger Torres

2. Carlos Valdes

3. Keon Daniel

4. Veljko Paunovic

Now before all of you start busting my balls for not protecting Faryd Mondragon, let me explain myself. The Impact have already signed Evan Bush and are rumored to be signing Bill Gaudette. Don’t get me wrong, Mondragon is a badass and any team would be happy to have him, but (and hopefully I’m right here) it doesn’t seem that Montreal have a need for him unless they’re looking for some solid leadership. With this in mind, we have to remember that even though he plays like a seasoned 28 year old, he’s actually 40 and probably wouldn’t give them many years.

Moving on…the Union have four players that are automatically protected. Three are Generation Adidas players that have not graduated (McInerney, Okugo, and MacMath) and our Home Grown Pfeffer makes four. So let’s get down to the remaining eight guys. Before I give you my list, let me tell you that I would absolutely not protect Freddy Adu. Even though he scored two goals and had one assist in his eleven games played, I would not take him. Most of the time he seemed ineffective on the pitch either because he was lazy or because at 5’4” (yes, I know he’s listed at 5’6”) he was getting pushed off balls harder and faster than I’d push that horse faced Sarah Jessica Parker off mine.

He is pretty good with the ball at his feet, I’ll give him that, but when you have the Farfan twins and Roger Torres, the Union shouldn’t waste their money on Adu. I would protect:

5. LeToux

6. Mwanga

7. Carrol

8. M. Farfan

9. G. Farfan

10. Williams

11. Califf (whom I wouldn’t have protected last year…he stunk)

Unprotected: Mapp, Adu, Nakazawa, Harrison, Tait, Gonzalez, Houapeu, Richter, Holder, and Langley. Of these players I would love to see Adu get snagged up and I would hate to see Nakazawa or Mapp go.

Interview with Wynalda

2011-11-16T13:26:00.000-08:00

More brilliance from the man that inspired this web page:

http://goal.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/15/put-eric-wynalda-in-the-win-now-category/

Even if you only just read his quotes it is worth the time. You've got to love the guy, he never pulls any punches.

Jurgen Klinsmann: Das Answer to our Prayershen?

2011-11-13T16:49:00.000-08:00

"The only thing that experience tells me is that you can't be 100% sure about any player"

I will admit that after the painful exit of World Cup 2006 I was intrigued by the prospect of having an international coach with a fresh take on the US player pool come in and clean house. Heck, the USA could stand to have less favouritism (I grew tired of seeing Eddie Johnson, Brian Ching, and Pablo Mastroeni steal someone else's playing time) and a more sophisticated approach to the game (as opposed to trying to "out-athlete" the other team).

This is what Brian McChing has lined up for him after soccer

Now, don't get me wrong. I loved The Bruce's personality. His contempt for the media, his caustic one liners, and his overinflated ego always made for a hilarious press conference. And to be honest, he wasn't an awful coach. He did what he could with the players that he had. His biggest fault was his trust of players that lacked the ability to compete at the pinnacle of the sport.
At the time, Jurgen Klinsmann seemed like a natural fit. A German legend, Klinsmann was now a California resident, fluent in English, and a bit of an Americaphile (if that's a word). Perhaps such a man was the right choice to inspire Landon Donovan to finally live up to his potential and to teach Eddie Johnson how to finish. Not only that, but he might be able to get more Americans jobs at Bundesliga clubs, seeing as a recommendation from the German hero might carry some weight. But alas, the timing wasn't right for Klinsmann to take the reigns. That job was left to Bob Bradley- a decision that I hated at first, and slowly grew to respect.

Bradley's teams were nothing if not disciplined. Sure he too had his favourites that would make any fan cringe when he saw the team sheet (Ricardo Clark for one), but they normally didn't get pushed around the field. They started to get previously elusive results in Europe, usually against manageable teams like Poland or Switzerland. But they rarely got blown out- his teams played England twice and got a 0-2 loss and a 1-1 draw, Spain twice and recorded a o-1 loss and a famous 2-0 victory. When he had his full squad, Bradley gave his players a chance to get a result against any team. But Bradley was also gifted the most talented pool in recent US Soccer memory. And he had no personality. Every sentence of his was thoughtfully recited, and he dared not give the press an interesting sound bite.

Of course, we all know how the USA underperformed in 2010 and we have Jurgen Klinsmann at the helm. A man whose coach resume is taking a team that was probably going to finish third anyway to a third place finish at the world cup, and taking a team that was probably going to finish first in the Bundesliga and guiding them toward second before he was sacked. He followed his stint at Bayern with doing absolutely nothing for two years. Then, because no one was paying attention to the fact that he had only ever been blessed with the most elite players, he was awarded a role as manager of the semi-talented USA.

But enough of the history lesson. I recently red a shocking opinion piece by Derek Ciapala of Yahoo! Sports begging US Soccer fans to have patience for Jurgen Klinsmann. I would like to respond to Mr Ciapala by saying that we have patience for a draw with a very talented Mexican team, or even a loss to Les Bleus on their home turf, but those are not the results with which we are frustrated. You say that the USA has played "some difficult opponents since Klinsmann took over", but any casual fan knows that losses to Ecuador and Costa Rica at home are inexcusable, and probably wouldn't have happened under Bob Bradley's watch. The fact is, they haven't played tough opponents. France and Mexico are ranked better by FIFA, but every other club the USA has played has been ranked worse. Sure the FIFA rankings aren't always accurate measures of the strength of a squad, but I find it disconcerting that the USA has only scored one goal against teams ranked worse than them and two goals total during Klinsmann's early tenure. And your suggestion that "Freddie [sic] Adu" be called up for the November friendlies is laughable! Had you seen more than the highlights of his two goals for the Union this season, you would surely realise that young Freddy doesn't look ready for MLS, let alone international play. You certainly had the Sons of Ben in stitches with that one, even if it was unintentional.

Why the long face, Juergen? At least Derek Ciapala likes you

The fact of the matter is that the team has underperformed under the new coach. I'm not rushing to judgement, I'm just telling the truth. As Jay-Z would say "I call a spade a spade, it just is what it is." I understand these games are essentially meaningless, and that the ones that really matter haven't been played yet. But this is not a good sign of things to come. This offense looks less threatening than one of Eddie Johnson's toothless stepovers, and it's only been due to the fact that Tim Howard bails out his team on a regular basis that the results haven't looked worse. Hell, Derek Ciapala could probably coach this team better, and he doesn't even know how to spell Freddy Adu.

Only Ben Bernanke bails out his cronies more than Tim Howard

The only bright spot has been the utilisation of the American-German players. Timothy Chandler looks like he can contribute for years to come, and hopefully Fabian Johnson can be equally as effective. I suppose we can give Klinsmann credit for extending the invitation.

Other than that, it is evident that Klinsmann and his staff have some serious work to do. If he can turn this team into one that values possession, finishes chances, and defends as a unit, then it will be worth these growing pains that we've been experiencing since August. If not, future employers may start to look at Klinsmann whilst wearing their skeptical glasses, the very same glasses that Sunil Gulati and US Soccer forgot to wear when they hired the man.

MLS Predictions Recap: What we learned

2011-11-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

First of all, allow me to congratulate myself for winning the 2011 MLS Soccer Bros Prediction Competition (MLSSBPC). I just barely edged out the pesky Tony Cornell, who started off slow but eventually learned got a clue. Sorry, Tony, maybe next year! Dominic Grotti really should have won this competition with ease, but alas, when you spend half of your days hungover or drunk, you're bound to forget to predict about a months worth of games. Robert Vaast, it feels great to beat you!

There are three possible results in soccer, win, loss, or draw. So normally there is a 33 % chance of predicting the game correctly. So you would think anyone averaging above 33% isn't doing too bad. However, Major League Soccer has an unnatural amount of draws. At midseason, this number was 38%, but by the end of the year (as results became more important) that percentage fell to a more reasonable 34.64. Therefore, any dumb schmuck could have a predictions correct percentage of 34 or above, if he just picked "draw" for every fixture. I am pleased to say that all of us had percentages above 36.

For the future, perhaps the best strategy is to pick a draw for every game, but pick LA Galaxy and Seattle Sounders to win every one of their games. Neither of those clubs look like they are going to slow down any time in the near future, and both teams won more than half their games. Of course, this predictions strategy would probably not be a good betting strategy, considering that the degenerate would be losing his money more than half the time.

We will be accepting more participants next season, and we will cap off the league at 10 prognosticators.

MLS Prediction Rankings, Final Edition

2011-11-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 32

2011-10-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-10-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 31

2011-10-11T15:06:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-10-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 30

2011-10-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 29

2011-09-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-09-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-09-23T14:33:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 28

2011-09-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 27

2011-09-14T19:53:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-09-14T14:59:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 26

2011-09-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 25

2011-09-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Post-Cesc Arsenal: The Reconstruction

2011-08-25T17:42:00.001-07:00

One thing that always impressed me about everyone's second favourite English club was their resiliency. Sure, Arsene Wenger always found the hidden gems and cultured them to become shining stars, but year after year they would lose players and find more than adequate replacements. They lost David Seaman- no matter, they found Jens Lehman. Sold Patrick Vieira to Juventus? Who cares!? Cesc Fabregas is a better playmaker anyway. Thierry Henry to Barca? Emanuel Adebayor had 24 goals the year after Henry left for Catalunya. Whenever the Gunners lost a seemingly indispensable piece of the puzzle, someone to fill the void was slotted seemlessly into the lineup.

But have Arsenal lost one piece too many? So close yet so far last year, the North London club was second for much of the year only to miss one golden opportunity after another to close the gap with Manchester United and they ended up falling to fourth. Fabregas was the man in the middle that pulled the strings, and Samir Nasri was the impish winger that provided the offense when Fabregas and Van Persie were absent. Now both players have moved to more ambitious clubs, and Arsenal are 55 million pounds richer. With Wenger famous for keeping his purse-strings tied and double knotted, it is doubtful this surplus will be invested in new players. But Arsenal fans, allow me to make a few suggestions that could put the club everyone secretly loves back in contention.

Arsenal have always had a bit of a French theme- Henry, Robert Pires, Manu Petit, Vieira, and the myriad of French speaking Africans led by their French manager. And while the Nederlander motif has been more subtle, it has been there just as long. Dennis Bergkamp was the craftiest striker ever to grace the English game, and Marc Overmars (not to be confused with his evil cousin, Hans Undervenus) was part of that wildly entertaining Arsenal squad of the late 90s. Now Robin van Persie waves the Oranje flag, and he could certainly be a perennial Golden Boot challenger if he could stay healthy. Given this strong Dutch history, one would think that Wesley Sneijder would make a brilliant addition to the squad. Is there a more accomplished midfielder who is available at this moment? And while we're on the subject, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar ( the first ever goal scorer in the Emirates Stadium) might prove to be a reliable second striker behind his countryman. He is big, tough, and most importantly, he can score goals.

Arsenal have the money to strengthen their squad. Wenger has said that he would spend the money if the right players were out there, and now is his chance. But as long as there are young, cheap, diminutive Frenchmen out there to be bought, I'm afraid the Gunners will always be a team of the future, and never a team of the present.

MLS Game Predictions: Week 24

2011-08-24T14:34:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-08-23T13:16:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 23

2011-08-19T12:26:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-08-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 22

2011-08-15T15:26:00.000-07:00

English Premier League 2011/2012 Predictions

2011-08-09T13:49:00.001-07:00

1. Manchester United
2. Manchester City
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool

Manchester United do seem like they might have a tougher time scoring goals this season. Berbatov's 20 goals in 32 games will be tough to reproduce, and Javier Hernandez is still out with a concussion, but a team that boasts the likes of Wayne Rooney, Nani, and now Ashley Young could start any striker (okay, maybe not Nicolas Bendtner or Eddie Johnson) and be just fine up front. City, with their capture of Sergio Aguero and Gael Clichy, will pose the most serious challenge to United's title defence. Arsenal will find it much more difficult to crack the top four now that Kenny Daglish has Liverpool playing like the proud club they once were.

18. Wolverhampton
19. Norwich City
20. Swansea City

Wolves have miraculously stayed in the premiership another season, but I can't see a third great escape on the horizon.

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-08-08T13:56:00.001-07:00

MLS 2/3 Season Review

2011-08-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

This MLS season, there are four types of teams: Teams that Stink, Teams that are Somewhat Competitive, and Teams that Have Good Records, and Teams that are Actually Good. Now, I apologise if the names of these categories give you the impression that there is a lot of difference in the quality of the teams between the categories. This is Major League Soccer- parity is abundant and differences are subtle.

Teams that Stink (in no particular odor)

1. Chicago Fire
2. Toronto FC
3. New England Revolution
4. Vancouver Whitecaps

I actually expected a lot more out of Chicago. Don't ask me why. Anyway you cut it, Chicago is awful. Watching the Fire v Union game last Wednesday I found myself very concerned for the health of Frank Klopas, who named himself head coach after sacking the equally as ineffective Carlos de los Cobos. Klopas either needs a daily aspirin regiment or just simply to be placed on suicide watch.

What sins did he commit to be sentenced to this hell?

The Fire are so bad that they had to hire former Mexican international Pavel Pardo to convince some fans to make the trip out to Bridgeview, because they are well aware that no one will go to simply watch the team play.
I'm actually surprised Toronto FC are doing as well as they are. Congratulation! You're not in last place! You just play like you are. Everyone knew TFC was going to be atrocious this season, and no motley crew of Dutch voetballers is going to change that.
New England stinks too. And I'm actually confused as to why. Good coach, decent defence, solid midfield. Oh yeah they have no one that can play striker.
I will give a pass to Vancouver because they are an expansion team. As soon as they start defending they will be somewhat competitive.

Teams that are Somewhat Competitive

1.San Jose Earthquakes
2. Chivas USA
3. Portland Timbers
4. DC United
5. Sporting Kansas City
6. New York Red Bulls
7. Houston Dynamo

All of these teams are difficult to predict. One week they draw Toronto FC, the next week they beat Real Salt Lake. The real question to ask is "Are any of these clubs capable of winning the MLS Cup?" Before recently, I was impressed with New York. Theirry Henry and Luke Rodgers, though they may make an odd couple of sorts, were certainly a fearsome strike tandem. But recently they have looked rather ordinary, having no wins in their last five league matches. If they want to reclaim their status as cup contenders, they need a spark. It's a shame they lost Dwayne de Rosario. As for the rest of the teams, maybe Kansas City has a shot, especially considering their ability to put a string of results together. And while the other teams may knock off a cup favourite in the playoffs, they are not championship calibre squads.

Teams that Have Good Records

1. Philadelphia Union
2. Columbus Crew

The two top teams in the Eastern Conference are tough to beat. They do not give up many goals and they both only have one loss at home. Neither of these teams were expected to be anywhere near the top of the table before the season started. Philadelphia is a little bit more understandable considering they have had a complete makeover since last year. But Columbus lost so many of their starts it is a wonder how Robert Warzycha has been able to field this winning team. Their problems are similar, however. Neither team can score goals consistently. Sebastian Le Toux hasn't had the same effect on his team that he did last season, try as he might, and Columbus's leading scorer, Andreas Mendoza, is a complete headcase. "Hard to beat" will only get you so far, and it won't win you a championship.

Teams that Are Actually Good

1. Los Angeles
2. FC Dallas
3. Seattle Sounders
4. Real Salt Lake
5. Colorado Rapids

Seattle almost didn't make this category. They keep getting points from games a little too late on for me to trust them, and their defence could be better. But they do score, and despite their leaks at the back they have only lost five games. A Championship would be a wonderful way to send Kasey Keller into retirement. Before this season had begun, I had no faith that FC Dallas could replicate the season they had a year ago. Their nine game unbeaten run raised a few eyebrows, as does their 12 wins in 24 matches. They lost an important game in Los Angeles to the Galaxy last night, however, so maybe they will need a little bit of fortune when it comes to the playoff fixtures if they want to win their first ever MLS Cup. Everyone knew Los Angeles was going to be good. The truly impressive part is the are doing it without the help of Juan Pablo Angel. Real Salt Lake have had a few slips this season, but the fact remains that they have allowed only 16 goals and have scored 30. If Saborio can start scoring more regularly, they would be the team to beat. Colorado are still winning even without Conor Casey, who will have spent more time in rehab than that girl that sang about it and then OD'ed.

2/3 of the way through the season there is no reason to jump horses. I said LA would win the whole kit and caboodle at the beginning of the season, and there is no reason to believe otherwise.

MLS Game Predictions: Week 21

2011-08-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-08-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 20

2011-08-03T15:20:00.001-07:00

Tony was the only one who submitted picks, and thus he has been rewarded with a few points.

Finally, a Manager With Hair: Why It Was Time For Bradley To Go

2011-07-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

Although Domonic Grotti makes some valid points in his most recent blog entry (The Greatest USMNT Manager Ever?), allow me to reassure the masses of bros that Sunil Gulati made the right choice by sacking Bradley the elder.

Bob Bradley had some success and should be proud of what he accomplished during his time as USMNT manager. Proponents will point to the Gold Cup win in 2007, the improbable run in the Confederations Cup in 2009 and the Yanks winning their group in the 2010 World Cup as evidence of Bradley's coaching abilities. In addition, I always thought one of the underrated aspects of Bradley's reign was that he was ACTUALLY American as opposed to some foreign mercenary. Maybe this does not hold much weight for some US Soccer supporters, but keep in mind that I am the same person that wrote over 1,000 words examining the patriotism of the newest additions to the USMNT.

Despite Bradley's success, there is no doubt that it was time for him to go. Critics would correctly point to a mostly lackluster showing in the 2011 Gold Cup that included a loss to Panama, a poor showing against Our Lady of Guadaloupe and a meltdown against the hated Mexicans. The mediocre (at best) performance in this Gold Cup became ammunition for all of the Bradley haters--For yours truly, the performance was merely symbolic of Bradley's reign as coach.

The same old problems that have haunted the Yanks for years showed up again in the Gold Cup. Bradley haters will complain that we didn't play "pretty" soccer. However there are bigger issues: Why does the US repeatedly concede goals in the first 10-15 minutes of the match? Why does the US continually play to their opponents?(Really, the performance against Guadaloupe was one of the worst matches in recent memory) Why does Bob Bradley insist on inserting some of his worst players into the biggest matches? (Jon Bornstein, I'm looking at you. For the last time hopefully..) Why, oh why, must the Yanks fall behind a goal (or two) before they suddenly decide to start playing the way they should have from the first whistle? Why does the Worldwide Leader (and other media outlets) insist on making Landon Donovan the face of the national team despite the fact that he has no discernable personality?

On top of these problems is the fact that Bradley's overall approach had probably gotten stale after so many years. Bob isn't the first USMNT manager to deal with such a problem--You could argue that the same thing happened to Bruce Arena several years earlier. This is the reason why national team managers usually don't stay on for more than one World Cup cycle. Don Fabio Capello is one exception...but more on him later.

At any rate, canning Bradley was the right choice. Best of luck to him--he helped advance the sport in our country, and he seemed like a hard worker and good guy. Jurgen Klinsmann is the new sheriff in town, and he was probably the best manager that US fans could hope for. Klinsmann doesn't come without his own baggage (a horrific stint as manager of Bayern Munich and questions about how much of Germany's success in 2006 was really due to Joachim Loew), but Klinsi brings some new ideas and energy that will (hopefully) spark the Yanks.

Sidebar: I am baffled by anyone who was hoping for a different hire. Bob Bradley was paid $400,000 per year. I doubt that Klinsmann is making drastically more. For that salary, any potential US manager needs to constantly travel all over the world in order to see his player pool in person. Meanwhile, someone like Don Fabio rakes in over $10 million per year and is a train ride away from any of his players' club teams. Exactly which manager with international experience was jumping at the chance to be underpaid, overworked and saddled with a group of players whose (collective) best days are probably behind them? But, as a great man once said, that's neither here nor there...

Until next time,

-TC

The Greatest USMNT Manager Ever?

2011-07-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the Bradley and Bradley era has closed on the U.S. men’s national team. Some supporters are viewing this as a panacea, a chance for the U.S. to throw off the shackles of Bradleyball and emerge as a world power. Sorry to be the proverbial turd in the punch bowl, but that won’t happen. I’m here to depress you and provide you with three solid reasons why the U.S. Soccer Federation can’t and won’t hire a game changer to be the next USMNT manager.

COST: First and foremost, the issue of cost. Bob Bradley was making about $400,000 in base salary, per a report released earlier in 2011. To bag a manager with a globally recognizable name, such as Marcelo Lippi, Guus Hiddink, Carlo Ancelotti, or Jose Mourinho, that number would have to increase exponentially, not to mention Hiddink reportedly has an exorbitantly expensive buyout clause with his current employer, the Turkish national team. I doubt Sunil Gulati would shell out millions of dollars for a sexy coaching name if the U.S. Soccer Federation could afford that type of splashy move, but in all honestly, it can’t. Money should be spent on youth player development facilities, which can help the U.S. to improve it’s player pool. That note brings me to my next point…

THE ROSTER: Most mercenary international coaches go to teams that have young rosters full of talented players that just haven’t jelled together. Would Guus Hiddink or Marcelo Bielsa really want to take a pay cut to coach a group of 30-somethings in the 2014 World Cup? There are no up and coming superstars in the U.S. player pool, or if there is a potential saviour, we have yet to see him on the pitch due to Bradley’s favouring of experienced national team players and veteran MLS names.

BRADLEY’S LEGACY: The new guy is not going to waltz in to take over a talented but underachieving bunch; quite the opposite. Although everyone and their mother seems to be sick of Bradley’s coaching abilities, look at his accomplishments in 4+ years of coaching: overtook Mexico and made the U.S. the preeminent power in CONCACAF from late 2006-2010; qualified for the 2010 World Cup; beat the #1 ranked team, reigning Euro2008 champ, and future World Cup champ at the 2009 Confederations Cup; had Brazil on the ropes in the Confed Cup final; won their World Cup group over England; nearly advanced in the knockouts over a talented but unappreciated Ghana team; had a winning percentage of over 60% from his hiring through the 2010 World Cup.

Say what you will about Papa Brads’ coaching acumen, his sometimes negative tactics, and his alleged favouritism towards certain less-than-qualified players (Rico Clark and Jonathan Bornstein come to mind), but he took a chicken shit roster and made a hell of a lot of chicken salad. The main reason why people called for his head incessantly was that Bradley took us so close to even greater heights, but really, if you look at the stats in the preceding paragraph in a vacuum, that is a damn good coaching record for the 30th ranked soccer team in the world. The next coach is going to have his hands full trying to trump Bob Bradley’s coaching achievements, especially with Mexico’s piles of young and talented attacking players and the aging talent on the U.S. roster. Too bad we can’t field 11 keepers at a time.

CONCLUSIONS: With an announcement possible later today, American soccer fans need to temper expectations. Jurgen Klinsmann is a likely replacement, but in reality, how much or an improvement will Klinsy be? The main issue with the USMNT is the same issue it has always had: a weak roster that lacks attacking thrust and true footballing creators. Bob Bradley played to the few strengths the roster has, and was rewarded with tournament success and a near-five year tenure that greatly increased soccer awareness and passsion among casual American fans while disappointing die-hards. Maybe Jurgen Klinsmann, a healthy Stu Holden, and a developing Juan Agudelo can cure all that ails Sam’s Army. Or maybe, come 2014 we will be longing for the good old days of Papa Bradley.

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-07-24T10:23:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 19

2011-07-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank Dominic Grotti for his contribution's to this week's MLS Game Predictions. Good work on your first entry in a long time, Dom! Also, we are getting way to similar with our predictions.

MLS Picks - Wednesday July 20

2011-07-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

Jacob Taldowski and Robert Vaast got drunk and went to the Union-Everton game tonight and forgot that there are five fixtures, so here is Dom Grotti providing a stopgap list of tonight's picks.

Dom Grotti:

DC United 1-0 New England
Toronto FC 0-2 FC Dallas
Colorado 1-1 New York Red Bulls
Los Angeles 1-1 Columbus
San Jose 2-1 Vancouver

Jacob Taldowski:

DC United 1-0 New England
Toronto FC 1-1 FC Dallas
Colorado 1-1 New York Red Bulls
Los Angeles 1-0 Columbus
San Jose 2-1 Vancouver

Robert Vaast:

DC United 2-1 New England
Toronto FC 1-1 FC Dallas
Colorado 0-1 New York Red Bulls
Los Angeles 1-0 Columbus
San Jose 2-1 Vancouver

Tony Cornell:

DC United 2-0 New England
Toronto FC 1-1 FC Dallas
Colorado 1-1 New York Red Bulls
Los Angeles 2-1 Columbus
San Jose 1-0 Vancouver

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-07-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 18

2011-07-14T06:00:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-07-12T17:42:00.001-07:00

Some Random Thoughts

2011-07-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts, not to be confused with Random Task

1. Good for MLS- Diving is finally starting to get punished. First Charlie Davies gets fined, then Steven Lenhart gets a yellow for diving. I've always hated Lenhart. To be fair, I didn't see the play, but referees shouldn't be afraid to give yellows left and right. Who cares if they get one wrong in a while? They've been blowing calls all season.
2. Thierry Henry and Luke Rodgers are the best scoring tandom in the league, and no one else is close. They are even better than Casey and Cummings were in 2010. Their goals are often majestic, thanks in a large part to the quality of the service from Jan Gunnar Solli, Joel Lindpere, Dane Richards, etc. , etc. , etc.
3. Think home field advantage doesn't count for much? Think again, dunce. After a statistical analysis of MLS results, I have found that when the result of the game is not a draw, the home team wins more than twice as often as the away team wins.

Enjoy your weekends if you have lives.

MLS Game Predictions: Week 17

2011-07-06T14:09:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-07-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-06-30T14:20:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 16

2011-06-29T16:20:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 15

2011-06-22T15:08:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-06-20T13:58:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 14

2011-06-15T13:38:00.002-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-06-15T13:38:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 13

2011-06-08T16:02:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-06-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 12

2011-06-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 11

2011-05-25T16:32:00.001-07:00

MLS Regular Season Predictions

2011-05-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

I had originally planned to put a prediction where each team would finish in each article previewing each team. Considering I only covered about half of the league and we are a third of the way through the season, I'll just post the predictions now. Keep in mind I made every one of these before the season started. I don't know why I put Kansas City so high

Under the Golden Arches

2011-05-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

An evaluation of the USMNT Gold Cup roster, as seen through the rose-coloured lenses of Dominic Grotti. As a point of clarification, the lenses are rose-tinted with indignation. The roster is as follows, with positions and club teams noted:

Goalkeepers: Tim Howard (Everton, England), Marcus Hahnemann (Wolverhampton, England), Nick Rimando (Salt Lake)

Defenders: Carlos Bocanegra (Saint-Etienne, France), Jonathan Bornstein (Tigres, Mexico), Steve Cherundolo (Hannover, Germany), Clarence Goodson (Brondby, Denmark), Eric Lichaj (Leeds, England), Oguchi Onyewu (Twente, Netherlands), Tim Ream (New York), Jonathan Spector (West Ham United, England)

Midfielders: Freddy Adu (Rizespor, Turkey), Michael Bradley (Aston Villa, England), Clint Dempsey (Fulham, England), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles), Maurice Edu (Rangers, Scotland), Benny Feilhaber (New England), Jermaine Jones (Blackburn, England), Sacha Kljestan (Anderlecht, Belgium), Robbie Rogers (Columbus)

Forwards: Juan Agudelo (New York), Jozy Altidore (Bursaspor, Turkey), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose)

KEEPERS: Yawn. Nothing to get worked up about here. Hopefully Rimando sees some time.

DEFENCE: Fairly predictable, as Papa Brads opts to bring a passel of familiar faces. However, with Tim Ream and C-Good looking fully capable of holding down the starting spots at center back, why not leave Bornstein home and take Timothy Chandler? El Capitan Charlie Blackmouth and Eric Lichaj could have been more than serviceable at left fullback, making the Mexijew surplus to needs. Chandler showed in earlier appearances against Paraguay and Argentina that he should be considered the right back of the future, and the most likely starter at RB for Brazil 2014. He can also provide spot coverage on the right side of midfield, which could be useful with Big Brad’s tendency to slide Dempsey up into a more attacking role in the second half of matches. As an unexpected added bonus, Chandler looks kind of like Hellboy when the U.S. wears their ridiculous red kits, which could be a mental advantage against some of the more, umm, superstitious Gold Cup participants from the Caribbean. Long story short, Chandler should have at least been included ahead of Jonathan Spector, considering he does everything the West Ham man does, only better.

Timmy looks comfortable in red.

MIDFIELD: OK, right off the bat, look at the first name on that list. Is this 2006? I understand the less hilarious half of Freddy and Eddie has turned in some decent performances of late, but Turkey’s second division isn’t exactly the Premier League. It isn’t even Turkey’s Super Lig, or the Greek Super League of the Freddy and Eddie glory days.

How did Aris have the will to break up this power couple?

Anyway, I would have left Freddy home for a more consistent wing player, until I remembered the U.S. doesn’t really have any of those to spare. Maybe take a flyer on Brek Shea? I guess this is a calculated risk, and seeing as Freddy is a 23rd man and will probably play less minutes in the Gold Cup than he did for Monaco (110, by the way), it’s a decent name-drop ploy that might drum up some interest from casual fans. At least Alejandro Bedoya got left in the dust this time. Elsewhere in midfield, I hope Little Brads isn’t too rusty after inexplicably riding the pine for a lackluster Aston Villa side since January. On a happier note, Robbie Rogers’ play so far this season is actually starting to vindicate his ubiquitous smarmy look of “I’M BETTER THAN YOU AND I KNOW IT!” I’m excited to see him get some time on either wing.

You can take the U-23 out of Vegas, but you can't take the Vegas out of the U-23! Robbie goes for a taste of Gold Cup glory.

I’m also excited to see what kind of odds I can get on the following prop bet: Who will play more 2011 Gold Cup minutes; Freddy Adu or Sacha Kljestan? I think I might actually take Freddy over Mr. Jamie Lee Darley, despite the latter’s decent form for perennial Belgian power Anderlecht. Stu Holden would have been a shoo-in as a creative central mid, if not for his injury, and I suppose that the Jose Francisco Torres bandwagon drove itself right into the Gulf of Mexico at some point over the last 10 months, because there is neither sight nor sound of the sort of clamour I would expect to erupt with him being left off this roster.

FORWARDS: I know Chris Wondolowski has looked like the second coming of Brian McGod lately, at least in the match reports, but he still acts more excited than Joey Barton in a back tavern brawl every time he scores a goal. Plus, look at his mugshot from his Houston days. He’s probably on the TSA’s no-fly list, which really limits his availability for international duty.

"Sir, step into the full body x-ray scanner please...this is a random search..."

Personally, I would have found a way to bring Edson Buddle (hint: that way would have involved leaving Freddy Adu or Sacha Kljestan at home), or if Papa Brads really wanted an in-form striker, Herc Gomez capped a weak debut season at Pachuca with a fairly strong run-in. However, Pachuca did not have a strong season as a whole, as evidenced by the following quote: “Pachuca has placed Gomez, along with its entire squad, on the transfer list.” Maybe that helps to explain why JFT was left off as well…has Pachuca’s entire roster been afflicted with some sort of malaise/plague/tequila hangover/bird flu? Es posible. Maybe we are better off leaving as many Mexican League players as possible at home, especially with a probably final date with El Tri lurking. We don’t need any potential Benedicto Arnaldos on the roster.

You can find hundreds of these plastered on telephone poles in Pachuca.

FINAL EVALUATION: I would have left Kljestan and Bornstein off the roster, subbing Chandler and Buddle in their place. That would give the team more balance, with four true forwards (begrudgingly including Wondo), plus Dempsey. Chandler could play at right back or right mid, and the team would still have midfield balance with Benny Feilhaber providing a creative foil to the holding options of Bradley, Maurice Edu, and Jermaine Jones. Really, the biggest blow to this squad was Stu Holden’s injury. Subbing him in for Kljestan alone could have made the difference in the Gold Cup. As I see it, look forward to another final defeat to the hated Mexicans.

With a scowl worthy of the Godfather, Papa Brads laments the absence of Stuart Holden and rues the USMNT's runner-up performance.

John Spencer is my favourite Manager, Luke Rodgers is my hero

2011-05-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

The reason why sport is so great is because it fosters the competitive spirit. People play against each other just to prove a point: I am better than you at this. Sometimes this personal pride and competitive spirit gets lost within the world of professional sports though, as the games instead become just means to a comfortable lifestyle rather than pure opportunities to compete. Money provides a soft cushion to ease the pain of a loss. A player might say to himself, "It's a shame we lost, but, oh well, at least I made 5,000 in the past 90 minutes." Money can motivate players to play harder, especially in the final year of a contract, but it does not motivate one athlete to insult another athlete. Players and managers do that because they simply don't like each other. This is the competitive nature of man that makes sports so entertaining. Two prime examples have happened recently in MLS:

John Spencer says Seattle were making weak excuses:

After their 1-1 draw against Seattle, Sounders manager Sigi Schmid complained that the rainy weather favoured Portland, presumably because the rain makes it difficult to play a possession oriented game that Seattle attempts but never actually succeeds in doing. John Spencer's reply:

"I think if it's too wet up there for them to play soccer, they may want to move that franchise because it pisses down rain nearly every time I've been in Seattle. Obviously, to say the conditions suit us more than it suits them, it blows me away," Spencer offered, adding "It was like they had 50 excuses written down before the game. Next time we go up there, we're going to take plenty of towels so we can dry the field off for them before the game," Spencer quipped, "and take plenty of tissue paper so they can dry their eyes after the game."

That's great stuff! This is how rivalries are born. It's all well and good that Portland and Seattle and Vancouver are located in close proximity, but if you want true drama you need both teams to hate each other. Maybe they aren't there yet, but with comments like these it is certainly heading in that direction.
Spencer's job doesn't require him to make statements like this. This kind of trash talk simply cultivates his competitive spirit, and that of his team. We should be thankful for guys like this that aren't afraid to step on some toes and ruffle some feathers in defense of their team's honour. Comments like these make games more meaningful, and cause players to play harder than they normally might to prove their coach right or the coach of the other team wrong. The more vitriol between the two sides, the more entertaining the game is.

In my opinion, sports reporting has been ruined in recent years because of PR suits that tell the players and managers what to say so that they don't offend anyone. Rather than say something like, "We totally crushed that team, and I'm glad we did because their striker is a asshole," we are more likely to hear "We played well as a team today, and our opponents played well but it just wasn't their day." Everyone is robotic in his answer. Personalities are discouraged, and if you dare show any disrespect to anyone you could find yourself, well, fined.

Luke Rodgers says what we've all been thinking:

As far as I know, no fine has been given to New York's Luke Rodgers for calling Landon Donovan "annoying", a "dickhead", and "a prick. " This is great because it may encourage other players to start name-calling all throughout the league. Some critics may say this is juvenile and has no place in the game. I would call those critics shit-brains. Who isn't interested to see what happens in the next game between New York and LA? Will Donovan go into a tackle on Rodgers with a little extra enthusiasm? Will Rodgers rip off his jersey after he scores to reveal a T-shirt with a picture of Bianca Kajlich? We just have to wait and see.
And let me end with this: Yes, Donovan is talented and can score. Yes, he is not afraid to speak his mind. Yes, he has the voice of a 13 year old late-bloomer. Yes, he is arguably the best field player on the USA squad. But should he be the poster-boy for US Soccer? Absolutely not. He is weird looking and the only intelligent thing I've heard him say in the past 8 years is "He's a damn machine" in reference to Frankie Hejduk winning the Beep Test in 2006.

MLS doesn't have superstars because they can't afford superstars. That is understandable. But they can still be an interesting, relevant league if they have personalities, and Spencer and Rodgers are the current forerunners in this category.

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-05-23T09:04:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 10

2011-05-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-05-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 9

2011-05-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-05-11T08:01:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 8

2011-05-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-05-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 7

2011-04-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-04-25T08:47:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 6

2011-04-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-04-18T09:59:00.001-07:00

Suite YouTube Clips of the Week - 4/15

2011-04-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

So, David Beckham is probably the world's most famous active footballer. How, I'm not really sure, considering he's been a one-trick pony for about 5 years now (two tricks if you count picking up injuries as a quantifiable talent). Whatever you think of Ol' Goldenballs, the following clip is somewhat impressive. Becks has gone on the record saying that the clip is legit, but I'd have a little easier time believing it wasn't staged if it wasn't a paid-in-full Diet Pepsi advert. After all, this is the same guy who insists he would "consider" a return to MLS next year after making eyes at every top club in Europe during the last three winters. The only way Becks returns to MLS is if no European power will take him. Considering that he is slower than John Wolyneic, now that I think of it, look for Becks to be a DP somewhere in MLS next year, accumulating yellow cards and CK endorsement money. Here's a clip of Becks from the glory days, wearing a 2011 Scott Parker wig: And finally, a real clip of someone other than David Beckham. This clip from some tiny Italian league game is hilarious as well as impressive in its fortuitous incompetence, although the same could be said about Joey Barton. Perhaps Arsenal and Cesc Fabregas should take backheel lessons from this chap before next year's Champions League knockouts. Enjoy!

MLS Game Predictions: Week 5

2011-04-13T14:23:00.001-07:00

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-04-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

2011 MLS Season Preview and Predictions: New York Red Bulls

2011-04-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

So you have two Designated Players who used to play for Barcelona, a foreign coach who has his priorities mixed up, and a beautiful stadium in the middle of an industrial park. As method actor extraordinaire Christian Bale once screamed facetiously, "Oh goooood for you!". New York's (read "New Jersey's") branch of the energy drink's footballing empire had the best record in the Eastern Conference last season, thanks in a large part to Juan Pablo Angel, who hated New Jersey so much that he went as far away as he possibly could while still staying in the confines of MLS and joined the LA Galaxy. His 13 goals scored may not be too hard to replace however, considering Thierry Henry is more or less fit, MLS's newest great-big-hype Juan Agudelo has shown he is keen to score, and Englishman Luke Rodgers has been recruited to do the proverbial "bumping and grinding" that Agudelo and Henry are too talented or fragile to do. Rogers was a highly touted striker (read "bench warming bruiser") from storied English club (read "one step away from semi-pro club") Notts County. But let's not forget draft pick John Rooney! Sure he has yet to make an appearance this season, and he couldn't hack it in England's super-talented League Two, but hey, he's Wayne Rooney's little brother! He's got to be good, right? That line of thinking is the same thing that got film producers in trouble when they cast a younger Baldwin in any role. What's even more ridiculous is the notion that John Rooney's signing would lead to increased ticket sales. What was their big marketing scheme? If you were to ask a potential fan from the greater New York Metropolitan area who John Rooney was , the conversation would go thusly:

Red Bull Marketer: Hey Guy! Would you consider attending a New York Red Bulls soccer game in Harrison, NJ if you knew that John Rooney would be playing?

Guy: Who is John Rooney? Are you giving out free Red Bull?

RBM: He is Wayne Rooney's little brother. And no.

G: Who is Wayne Rooney? Damn.

RBM: He plays soccer for England and for Manchester United. He is stocky, bald, and he curses a lot and scores lots of goals.

G: Never heard of him either. So is his brother any good?

RBM: Would you like a free Red Bull?

"Ronnie in 20 years" , also, "This is what I think of John Rooney"

So the offense is set, though they haven't exactly found their spark in their first three games. On paper, the midfield is stacked as well: Marquez has adapted to MLS play very well, Joel Lindpere is an intelligent passer (and vastly underrated), Jan Gunnar Solli has looked good in his first few games, and now that Dwayne De Rosario has come into the mix, it makes you wonder how Medhi Ballouchy finds any playing time at all. Their defence is looking very good too, led by 2011 Rookie of the Year finalist Tim Ream and Finnish import Teemu Tainio. I trust Greg Sutton and Bouna Condoul with protecting my goal about as much as I trust Tiger Woods with my white girlfriend, so the Red Bulls may want to hope that Alex Horwath turns out to be a solid choice. But even if he's not, I can't see this team, even if they have to battle injuries, finishing anywhere but top of the table this season.

Players to Watch: Juan Agudelo, Dwayne De Rosario, Thierry Henry, Joel Lindpere, Sacir "Some like it" Hot

2011 Regular Season Projection: 1st in the Eastern Conference

TGIF - Suite YouTube PK Video of the Day

2011-04-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

Hello, loyal reader "ryan scails", lurkers, and friends that we bribe to bring traffic to the site! I realise that I have been contributing as much to this website as Eddie Gaven has contributed to the USMNT, so as an olive branch-type offering, I present you with this awesome 18 second clip of Joonas Jokinen's PK for FC Baar. You might recognise Joonas, as his first name is reminiscent of the widely beloved Jonas Brothers, and he shares a surname with Olli Jokinen, the prolific forward for the NHL's Calgary Flames. Or you might just be up on your Finnish U-16 up-and-comers. In any case, enjoy the video! (I recommend expanding the viewing window to full screen since our blog has less width than Inter Milan's 4-2-3-1.)

MLS Game Predictions: Week 4

2011-04-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

2011 MLS Season Preview and Predictions: New England Revolution

2011-04-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Steve Nicol: Great Coach, Awful Glasses

Though it was only a few years ago that New England were inches from winning their MLS Cups, so much has changed since then. Concussions have ensured that Taylor Twellman will not be contributing his usual 15 goals a season. Pat Noonan attempted a move to Scandinavia, only to wind up back in MLS with considerably less impact than he had before. Steve Ralston seemed to get better and better every year until he retired. Clint Dempsey is a hero in Southwest London rather than anonymous in Boston. Andy Dorman, who was a far more important part of those teams than for which he is often given credit, is now back on the island of his birth play with Crystal Palace. Jeff Larentowicz traded his navy blue Revolution kit for the maroon of Colorado. Even Paul Mariner, the ever present assistant to Steve Nicol, has moved. The only constants are Nicol himself, Shalrie Joseph, and an eerily empty Gillette Stadium. All of these changes from the golden era of this club leave just too many holes for this club to handle, try as they might.

Sure the stadiums is empty, but last year the Revolution deserved it.

The defence was already in decent shape before the season started. Both Darrius Barnes and Kevin Alston are quick and tough, and they don't get beat easily. Alston's only flaw (besides his dodgy haircut) is that he doesn't get forward into the attack much, but considering his age and the fact that the Revs have spent the last two seasons on defence, perhaps he is too young to judge. With Barnes at only 24 years of age and Alston 22, the New England defence could be solid for years to come. This year the team also boasts two accomplished French defenders- Didier Domi and Ousmane Dabo, who The Midnight Riders will expect to be role models for Alston and Barnes. Domi does have the ability to contribute on offense, which can take some of the pressure off the midfield and allow Pat Phelan and Shalrie Joseph to sit back, defend, and distribute the ball.

Though he may not have a proven 15 goal-a-year striker anymore, Nicol does have some incredibly fast wingers at his disposal. Sainey Nyassi and Kenny Mensally should each score a few goals this year, and while Kheli Dube might not be a reliable starter in this league, he has scored 14 goals in his career. Dube's true calling may in fact be as a super sub, coming into the game when the offense has invariably been stymied. Ilija Stolica will have to score more than three goals in his second season if the Revolution are going to make the playoffs this year, but there are also a couple of mystery players that could surprise MLS fans. Zach Schilawski started off his 2010 season with a hat-trick, but quickly faded into obscurity after that. University of Virginia product Chris Tierney had a very promising rookie season that saw him taking some of the set pieces toward the end of the year. Both of these players will have to show consistency in order to remain in the starting lineup, but that job should be much easier for Schilawski, whose stiffest competition only scored 3 goals last season.

The Revolution may be off to an impressive start in 2011, but to make the playoffs they will need goals. It's a shame that Shalrie Joseph can't play every position.

The New England Revolution can't afford proper haircuts because they don't have enough fans

Players to Watch: Shalrie Joseph, Kheli Dube, Didier Domi

2011 Regular Season Projection: 6th in the Eastern Conference

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-04-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 3

2011-04-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

2011 MLS Season Preview and Predictions: Sporting Kansas City

2011-03-31T16:16:00.000-07:00

Kansas City's second mistake: Getting rid of the soul of their team

I begin this article with full knowledge that Dominic Grotti (and others, I assume) will refuse to read it because I called Kansas City by their rebranded name. Settling on that name was a bigger mistake than Wayne Bridge's lovechild with Vanessa Perroncel. While I have many problems with the "Sporting Kansas City" moniker, those problems can be found in a previous article. I have absolutely no problem with their roster. The artists formerly known as the Wizards made some shrewd pick-ups during the offseason, as is evident by the five goals they have scored in their first two games.

And kids, that's why you don't trust a ho

I have hated Omar Bravo ever since the first time I saw that Mexican in a World Cup Qualifying match against the United States, but he had a distinguished career at Chivas de Guadalajara and earned a spot with Deportivo la Coruna in La Liga, so his track record speaks for itself. No one should be surprised that he has already scored two goals for Sporting, both of which required a true striker's touch. Make no mistake- he is still capable of scoring goals, and I still hate him.

Handsome America Greg Seltzer, over at http://www.noshortcorners.com/ , once said that Davy Arnaud is like "Clint Dempsey lite." He does have a point, not only do they both look similar, but like Deuce, Arnaud is one of those midfield forward hybrids who has a knack for scoring some big goals. In fact, Kansas City's entire forward arsenal is littered with goal scorers- Ryan Smith has got to be on the ballot for best feet in the MLS, Teal Bunbury had a great rookie season in 2010, Kei Kamara had 10 goals (I still can't believe he didn't have eleven), and Senegalese striker Birahim Diop looks more than capable of scoring a goal or two. If draftee CJ Sapong turns out to be more than just hype, manager (and former striker) Peter Vermes will have himself a selection migraine.

Speaking of migraines, Sir Alex looks like he'd rather have on than be sitting at this KC press conference

The team is not as strong at the back. I normally don't condone the use of foreign goalkeepers in MLS, considering Americans as a whole have been the best goalkeepers in the world for the past ten years, but Jimmy Nielsen did a fine job in net for the Wizards last year nevertheless. Long time captain Jimmy Conrad has moved on to sunny Southern California, and that leaves the likes of Matt Besler to fill in at centreback. Brasilian defender Julio Cesar has also been brought in to keep Philadelphia Union reject Shavar Thomas off the field, but the player that will really make the most difference is Craig Rocastle. Rocastle's job is simple enough, collect the ball from the defenders who can't pass, give it to the forwards who have more than enough firepower to score goals. Unlike Smith who played for Arsenal and Crystal Place, Rocastle doesn't come with an impressive English pedigree, but the centre midfielder certainly is a physically intimidating specimen in the middle of the park. If Rocastle can perform his job adequately, then even the mediocre defence of SKC might not be enough to keep them out of the playoffs.

Players to watch: Omar Bravo, Ryan Smith, Davy Arnaud, Teal Bunbury

Projected regular season finish: 2nd in the Eastern Conference

MLS 2011 Season Preview and Predictions: FC Dallas

2011-03-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

So close, yet so far.

The playoff run by FC Dallas last year surprised a lot of MLS fans, myself included. They were never favoured in any of the games leading up to the final, and yet they took down Real Salt Lake and the Los Angeles Galaxy, the two most impressive teams throughout the regular season. Coach Schellas Hyndman has quietly amassed a dangerous squad in Frisco, Texas, led by Colombian attacker David Ferreira. The club has brought in a few players to try to compensate for the loss of Jeff Cunningham, who led the team in scoring with eleven goals last season.

The acquisition of Fabian Castillo is a big gamble that Hyndman hopes will pay a handsome reward. The 18 year old Colombian joined this season from Colombian powerhouse Deportivo Cali, and considering he is being paid a reported $800,000 a year, the speedy forward is expected to deliver some goals.

The payment to FC Dallas's Colombians will be the only one in the US that doesn't occur in small unmarked bills

Ricardo Villar is a Brasilian ex-pat who spent 2010 toiling in the cold German weather for Unterhaching. Villar hasn't had what one may call an impressive strike rate, not scoring at all last year and only one goal in the previous season. But despite his recent lack of venom, the former Penn State Nittany Lion will be called upon to contribute to this offense, which, so far, has been anemic in their first two games of the 2011 season.

What was already a youthful team in 2011 has become dangerously adolescent and inexperienced. Twenty members of the Dallas roster are 24 or younger, including three of their four starting back line. Even though there are some composed veterans on the rest of the pitch, the MLS season cannot be played with only 11 footballers. This means that a number of these green youngsters will be seeing time as the older players need rests and the injury bug gets hungry.

Despite such inexperience in the back, FC Dallas shouldn't be too overwhelmed in 2011, especially if Kevin Hartman can bail them out in the right times. Zach Loyd and George John played 24 and 25 games last year, respectively, and are very well acquainted with the physically demanding style of play of the MLS forwards. It will be up to Daniel Hernandez to see that the back line doesn't have to see too much action, but that may be a tall task as the 34 year old defensive midfielder is coming back from a knee injury that required surgery. And let us not forget that Dax McCarty is no longer around to control the play, so this makes Hernandez's job even more demanding.

That hair, those shorts- the only thing keeping me from suspecting that Hartman is a homosexual is his gut.

Milton Rodriguez had an impressive five goals in only 13 games played last year, and the goal scoring will lie most heavily on this forward's shoulders. Ferreira will also have to increase his eight from last year to make up for Cunningham's absence, but along with Brek Shea, Dallas has at least three players that have proven to be capable of putting the ball in the net.

Hyndman and his staff have put a lot of faith in their youth, and this decision may indeed pay off in a few years. Unfortunately, they may have sacrificed 2011 in order to do so. At least Dallas can take comfort in knowing that only 10,000 people will show up to watch them lose their games.

Players to watch: David Ferreira, Fabian Castillo, Marvin Chavez, Jackson Goncalves, Bobby Warshaw

2011 Regular Season Projection: 6th in the Western Conference

MLS Prediction Rankings

2011-03-27T07:31:00.001-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 2

2011-03-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

MLS 2011 Season Preview and Predictions: Houston Dynamo

2011-03-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

Happier Days for the Houston Dynamo. W couldn't have put on an orange tie for this one?

2010 was the first season that the Dynamo missed the playoffs, and the bad news for Houston going into the 2011 season outweighs the good news. Let's see if we can categorise the following offseason player movements as "Good News" or "Bad News" :

1. Brian Mullan leaves for Colorado

2. Houston acquires Calen Carr

3. Houston acquires Hunter Freeman

4. Houston acquires Jason Garey

5. Pat Onstad leaves for DC

Well, #3 is a smart pickup, seeing as Freeman has been sharpening his skills in Norway for the past couple of years. #5 is also good considering Onstad is on the wrong side of 40, and was only hampering the development of Tally Hall. We'll call #4 a wash- Garey isn't the most dangerous striker out there, but he works hard and he'll bag an important goal every now and then. That leaves #1 and #2- both of which are bad news. Mullan had provided great balance to a team that relied very heavily on it's wing play. Now his shoes will have to be filled by Danny Cruz and Corey Ashe- neither of whom have that polished technique with the ball at his feet that Mullan has. And Calen Carr is only going to get in people's way. As I said when he was still with Chicago- he'll be lucky to score four goals this year.

The defence is capable of cleaning up the mistakes that the midfield and offense will undoubtedly commit. Andre Hainault, Bobby Boswell, and Eddie Robinson are all solid defenders, and new Jamaican centreback Jermaine Taylor looked steady in his first match against Philadelphia Union. Mike Chabala has slowly developed into a reliable starter for this squad as well, and the acquisition of Hunter Freeman really speaks to the depth of the defensive side.

The midfield isn't awful. Brian Davis, who looked quite frustrated with his impotent teammates last week, is still one of the top wingers in the league, and Geoff Cameron has the size of a centreback and the touch of a midfielder, almost like Tom Huddlestone at Tottenham Hotspur. Ashe and Cruz are one trick ponies, but as ESPN will surely tell us once a game- Speed Kills. What may really get this team rolling is when Colin Clark, who looked quite promising in Colorado before his injury, gets back to full fitness and can provide that balance that left on Mullan's flight to Denver.

Perhaps the most famous Hung Jury of all time

As for the forwards, the jury is hung. Brian Ching will go down in the history books as one of the greatest MLS strikers of all time, but does the Hawaiian have enough milk left in the coconut, or lava left in the volcano for another explosive year or two? We'll have answered this by the end of the season, but considering he's coming back from an injury, it's safe to say his best days are behind him. Cam Weaver, though impressive in size, has taken a while to adapt to the style of play in MLS. Perhaps part of the problem was that as a target forward, he was always going to come in as a substitute in deference to Brian Ching. Now that St. Louis boy Will Bruin looks like he has the starting job, Weaver should probably consider a name tag for his spot on the bench. Like Weaver, Bruin is large and more energetic, but he is certainly unproven, having played his first match only a week ago.

Perhaps the most valuable thing that Houston have right now is their Academy which has graduated four players to the first team. The best thing that could happen to this team is an early season slump that leaves them no shot of reaching the playoffs. This would provide Dominic Kinnear with some opportunities to trot out his youngsters as the season becomes meaningless. This situation would set them up nicely for 2012. Then, they just have to hope that Bruin pans out. Beyond that, the lack of competition for other Eastern Conference teams will serve Houston well.

Players to watch: Will Bruin, Brad Davis, Geoff Cameron, Tally Hall, academy product Josue Soto

Regular Season Projection: 3rd in the Eastern Conference

MLS Prediction Rankings: Week 1

2011-03-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

MLS Game Predictions: Week 1

2011-03-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

Tony Cornell

VAN 1-3 TFC

RBNY 2-1 SEA

DCU 2-3 CLC

FCD 1-2 CHI

HOU 0-1 PHI

CLR 2-0 POR

SJE 1-1 RSL

CHV 2-0 SKC

LAG 3-1 NER

Dominic Grotti

VAN 0-1 TFC

RBNY 3-2 SEA

DCU 1-1 CLC

FCD 1-0 CHI

HOU 1-0 PHI

CLR 2-1 POR

SJE 0-2 RSL

CHV 1-1 SKC

LAG 3-1 NER

Robert Vaast

VAN 0-1 TFC

RBNY 1-0 SEA

DCU 2-0 CLC

FCD 2-0 CHI

HOU 1-2 PHI

CLR 2-1 POR

SJE 0-2 RSL

CHV 0-1 SKC

LAG 2-0 NER

Jacob Taldowski

VAN 0-0 TFC

RBNY 2-1 SEA

DCU 1-0 CLC

FCD 1-0 CHI

HOU 1-1 PHI

CLR 2-2 POR

SJE 0-3 RSL

CHV 0-1 SKC

LAG 2-0 NER

2011 MLS Season Preview and Predictions: Toronto FC

2011-03-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

With a look like that , Fiddy could scare all 20,000 Reds supporters out of BMO Field

It's been four years now of unwavering support and four years of MLS mediocrity in Toronto. A city whose fans are second only to Seattle's, Toronto has yet to fine a winning formula that could make their red clad supports proud. Now that they have overhauled their coaching staff and brought in some new faces, the BMO faithful will be hopeful that this year might actually be different, and that elusive spot in the post season tournament will finally be theirs. Forgive me if I don't share the same optimism.

First let me start by saying that Preki was a good coach that didn't deserve to be fired. The TFC front office were a bit rash in sacking the 2007 Coach of the Year, and since then have brought in Dutch midfield legend Aron Winter and his Dutch assistants, and moved former New England Revolution assistant Paul Mariner to "Director of Player Development". Winter had been at Ajax, a club who's youth system is one of the most productive in the world, having produced players like Dennis Bergkamp, Wesly Sneijder, and Rafael van der Vaart. Mariner was brought into Plymouth Argyle to essentially save a sinking ship, but was better known for his time in Foxborough during which his team drafted Taylor Twellman, Pat Noonan, Shalrie Joseph, Clint Dempsey, Michael Parkhurst, and Jeff Larentowicz, made the MLS Cup final three times, and never missed the playoffs. So naturally, it makes sense to move the best assistant coach in MLS history to "Director of Player Development" and the guy whose former club invented youth development to "Head Coach". Did I mention Jurgen Klinsmann is Special Advisor to Toronto FC? I have no idea what that is, but I am fairly certain that no team actually needs one.
As for the actual players on the pitch, Dwayne De Rosario is still a maestro, though it is safe to say that his willingness to play for the TFC organisation is diminishing by the season. Still, he should be good for 9 goals this season, 11 if he takes enough penalties. I didn't realise that Alan Gordon had even moved from Chivas USA. If he can get 5 goals, that will be his career high. But have no fear! Thanks to being coached by a Dutch legend, a couple of hot Dutch prospects are willing to put on that famous red shirt! Javier Martina has made a whopping 2 appearances in three seasons at Ajax, and Nick Soolsma has played for fine clubs such as FC Chabab. I think I had one of those the other day from a lunch cart.

FC Chabab

"But, Jake!", you may protest, "They also brought in an older Dutch veteran to add some experience and composure to the team, eh?" Oh yes that's right, who was that again? Van Bronckhorst? Makaay? Wilfred Bouma maybe? No that's right it was the famous Elbekay Bouchiba. I hate to be in the business of criticising a player before he plays a game, but can anyone really get exciting by this signing? Julian de Guzman had some success in Spain I realise, but he hasn't done anything more memorable than this front-flip in the past four years. I refuse to say anything bad about Jacob Peterson. He is one of those players who I love to watch simply because of how hard he tries. He flies into every tackle, runs his ass off, and never comes across as mopey or lazy. That being said, don't expect him to score more than two goals this season.

I've seen worse defences (the Philadelphia Union included), but Toronto's isn't exactly the gold standard by which the rest of the league measures themselves. Stefan Frei can look forward to another year of bailing out the guys in front of him.

I'm shaking in my boots.

The main question troubling TFC is the same one that troubles many an MLS squad: Who is going to score our goals? I can't see a few random Dutchmen raising their hands to answer this one. I can see TFC finishing dead last though.

Players to watch: academy product Nicolas Lindsay, Dwayne de Rosario, Jacob Peterson
Projected Finish: 9th in the Eastern Conference

MLS Game Predictions: 15 March 2011 Seattle v LA

2011-03-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

JT: Seattle 2-1 LA

TC: Seattle 1-2 LA

RV: Seattle 0-1 LA

DG: jackass didn't answer his text.

We'll be doing this all season

MLS 2011 Season Predictions: LA Galaxy

2011-03-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

The Bruce reigns supreme

In England, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Japan, and almost every professional soccer league in the world, LA Galaxy would have been declared champions in 2010. That will be of little consolation to the Bruce Arena's team, however, who were dismissed unceremoniously from the playoffs by eventual runners-up FC Dallas. For the amount of exposure this team receives from the media, deep playoff runs must be expected, and their superstars must deliver if the team wants to be considered the "jewel of the MLS", as they were labeled upon David Beckham's arrival. Since that fateful day though, they have yet to win a championship, which was said to be the prime reason for Beckham's signing. What the LA Galaxy have going for them is history, and, dare I say, fate. For "Old Goldenballs" has never played a full season for a team with whom he did not win a championship. They also have the best player in the league, and one of the best strikers.

Since the advent of the Designated Player rule, Juan Pablo Angel has been the best DP on the field, scoring 58 times in only 102 games for the New York Red Bulls. Though he was surplus to Hans Backe's needs in Harrison, he is most needed for his new club, who lost the second leading scorer in the league in the offseason. With service available from Landon Donovan, David Beckham, and Todd Dunivant, JPA just might have his most prolific season yet. The only question is whether or not new signing Chad Barrett can take some of the pressure off of the 35 year old Colombian. Barrett hasn't exactly been a fountain of goals in MLS, but his work rate will ensure that he can do the Charlie Work, while allowing Angel to poach the goals and the credit. Don't count out resourceful forward Mike Magee, who can pop up here and there for goals when given the opportunity.

Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats

Defensively, the Galaxy have shed their aging, falling stars in favour of a younger and faster backline. Omar Gonzalez, Sean Franklin, and AJ DeLaGarza are ready to hold fast in front of Donovan Ricketts, taking over for Greg Berhalter and now retired Eddie Lewis. Todd Dunivant still has the legs to run up and down the left flank, and the crosses he provides are underrated in a league where good left-backs are harder to find than WMDs in Iraq. And just in case a lack of experience or energy was an issue, The Bruce brought in his old pal Frankie Hejduk, who at 36 years old is still one of the fittest defenders in the league.

Further up the field, Chris Birchall and Juninho will try to retain possession for the Galaxy, but their offensive contribution will simply be deferring to Becks, Landycakes, and Angel.

Which of these is Chris Birchall?

While he doesn't make the same impact on the game that he did 5-10 years ago, and he has his share of detractors, I remain a fervent Beckham supporter and I would love to see him win a title before his days are done in Major League Soccer. I also am not one to argue with what would be a poetic and almost prophecy fulfilling finish to his MLS adventure. Thus, I see the Galaxy winning the MLS Cup in November.

Players to Watch: Landon Donovan, David Beckham, Juan Pablo Angel, academy product Jack McBean

2011 Season Projection: 1st in the Western Conference

MLS 2011 Season Predictions: Seattle Sounders FC

2011-03-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Sounders Fans: Embarrassing other MLS fans since 2009

Seattle may be the most valuable franchise in the entire league. 36,000 plus fans a game- rain or shine, no matter who they are playing. It must be nice to actually feel like an A list celebrity in your city. How often do you think Matt Reis gets recognised on the streets of Boston? Probably as often as the people at Dunkin Donuts get my order right. Kasey Keller and his comrades, on the other hand, are the toast of the Emerald City, and they are looking to bring home their third piece of silverware in as many years of existence.

The loss of Freddie Ljungberg last year didn't seem to handicap the offense much. Osvaldo Alonso may not make the slalom runs by the touchline that the former Arsenal midfielder did, but he sprays the ball around the field and can play the ball accurately into space. Such talents will be useful again this season with Steve Zakuani and Fredy Montero making runs behind the defense, so look for Alonso to increase his number of assists in 2011.

Offensively, the Sounders may be the most diverse team in the league (I didn't mean racially, though when I think about it they do have a black European player, a white guy, and a couple of latino guys, so kudos to GM Adrian Hanauer for his equal opportunity employment). They have a great balance of players who can set up goals, such as Alonso and Pat Noonan, a good target forward in Nate Jaqua, and they have speedy players who can break their opponents on the counter such as Montero and Zakuani. Montero is one of those superstar players that defenses can only hope to contain, and Zakuani is quickly blossoming into the best wing player in the entire league. I thank Christ for two things: 1) Fogo de Chao Brasilian Steakhouse, and 2) My Philadelphia Union only has to play the Sounders twice every season. And I haven't even mentioned Alvaro Fernandez or Erik Friberg, two new shrewd signings from Sigi Schmid and Hanauer.

The Doc and Niles probably wouldn't frequent Qwest Field, but you can bet Bulldog, Daphne, and Martin would!

The defence is strong too. Pat Ianni and Jeff Parke are both serviceable MLS centrebacks, and Keller has enough left in the tank to play out one more season. Though last year's goals against average was only, well, average, they were missing Jhon Kennedy "El Presidente" Hurtado for most of the season. This season's defence should be much improved for 2011, and part of that will be because the players in front of them will remove a lot of the pressure.

I would love to see Keller leave the league with a MLS title in his last season, but I am not sure that this team is the best in the league. Good luck to the Sounders this season, though I doubt they'll need much.

Players to watch this season: Steve Zakuani, Miguel Montano, Fredy Montero

2011 Season Projection: 3rd in the Western Conference

MLS 2011 Season Predictions: DC United

2011-03-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

For the love of God will someone build them a stadium

2010 couldn't end soon enough for DC United, who posted league worsts in Goals For, Goal Differential, and Home Goals Against. All in all, they were an embarrassment to MLS's most successful club. It did not help that Chris "Party Boy" Pontius, who looked quite promising during the 2009 season, missed half of the season due to injury, or that Curt Onalfo couldn't be fired before the season turned into an absolute mess. The signing of Designated Player Branko Boskovic, who amassed 0 goals and 0 assists in his debut season, was almost as pointless as the hiring of Onalfo in the first place. Perhaps the Montenegran simply needs time to adjust to the snails-paced, possession-less, hustling style of play that is found in MLS, but the Screaming Eagles shouldn't hold their breaths. In 2011 however, Ben Olsen and the Beltway Boys will be determined to show that last year was just a fluke, and that the tradition that is DC United is still thriving.

One step towards restoring their reputation was the signing of Sochaux forward Charlie Davies on loan. The New Hampshire native is eager to get first team action, and has looked sharp during his time with Sochaux's reserve squad and in preseason for United. As long as he stays healthy throughout the season, it shouldn't surprise anyone if he can amass double digit goals. Even if he is only 75% as good as he was before the accident that almost took his life, Davies can be a nightmare for opposing defences. The best part for DC is that Davies won't have to do this by himself, as Chris Pontius, Santino Quaranta and Andy Najar are all dangerous in their own right. With Dax McCarty organising the middle of the park and Clyde Simms cleaning up the mess, United may just have themselves a potent offense. For those of you thinking that Josh Wolff is going to have an impact this season, you may want to pass that spliff you're smoking back Shalrie Joseph. I have always been a big supporter of Wolff's and I have always wanted him to succeed, but his speed isn't what it used to be, and MLS defences are only getting smarter, stronger, and faster. For that matter, don't count on Fred to make those penetrating runs at fullbacks or those creative set ups for your forwards to slot home. From a Philadelphia Union fan's experience, he just isn't that player anymore. He probably wasn't that player when he left United a year ago.

I hope he brings back his rehab hairstyle. Like Cuba Gooding in Men of Honor

The only question that begs an answer is the defence. When I used to cheer for DC, I always thought Devon McTavish had some class. But Marc Burch, Dejan Jakovic, and Jed Zaynor are too inconsistent to start every game for this team. Thus creates a need for Rodrigo Brasesco to fortify the backline. And despite Pat Onstad attempting to fight his way through the sands of time, the goalkeeping position is still a concern. Onstad hasn't been the same shot stopper he was a few years ago, and he seems to be less and less patient with the players in front of him. The last thing a young DC United team needs is a geriatric goalkeeper who keeps blaming the rookies on his squad for making his beard turn grey.

Bill Hamid: Development postponed yet again thanks to Pat Onstad choosing to play

Rookies are often hit or miss- like a good martini bar at 1:45 am. Sure there may be a lonely corporate exec who is angry with her ex husband and is willing to prove that she's still sexy at 38 by letting you take her home. But then you have the neighbourhood cougar who stinks of cigarettes and JC Penny perfume and has had her lazy eye on you for the last half an hour. DC's rookies include two defenders who boast impressive physical attributes-Conor Shonosky and Ethan White. Both of these players are homegrown talent, and DC is hoping that they turn out to be lonely corporate execs and not sloppy, drunken cougars with self esteem issues.

DC United's only downfall may be the lack of depth at the attacking positions, other than that, this team is ready to resemble a professional squad again.

Players to watch: Charlie Davies, Andy Najar, Ethan White, Rodrigo Brasesco, Chris Pontius

2011 Projection: 5th in the Eastern Conference

MLS 2011 Season Predictions: Columbus Crew

2011-03-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

Something tells me Heath Pearce would be more intimidated by this girl than a match-up with Eddie Gaven

This team is going to miss Guillermo Barros Schelotto a whole lot this season. But before I go on, has anyone else noticed that Christopher Sullivan, and many other commentators, have added another syllable to "Schelotto"? He says "eschelotto." As if the guy on the field was the electronic version of some Schelotto fellow. I always wonder who prays to Jesus more: me so that Fox Soccer Channel does a complete overhaul of its MLS commentary crew, or Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr so that he does not grow up to be like his father.

You can't choose your parents, or your FSC commentators

Anyway, tragic few in the league can replicate what Schelotto did for the Crew in 2008 through 2010. The Crew will have to redesign their entire offense which was based around the ingenious Argentinian, who led the team in both goals and assists last year. Many MLS commentators love to tout the talents of Robbie Rogers and Eddie Gaven, but Rogers is too inconsistent and his ball control is not good enough to play in the middle of the field, even by MLS standards. Gaven was good.....in 2003 when he was on the U17 team with Freddy Adu and Jonathan Spector. Now, he may be the most over-rated player in the entire league. Just like Rogers, his play is erratic and he loses the ball far too often, but unlike Rogers, he doesn't have blinding pace to justify his position on the squad. How useful is a decent crossing ability if he can never get in position to get off a cross? About as useful as a pair of perky breasts would be to Rachel Maddow. Now that I think about it, if Eddie Gaven just shaved his beard he may be prettier than Rachel Maddow. That being said, he was able to record five assists last season and play in almost every game for a team with the second best record in the Eastern Conference, so his spot on the wing is certainly safe. But on the wing is where he should remain. Despite their inconsistency, Rogers and Gaven are the best option for the Crew going into this season, and Columbus just might be able to scrap together an offensive scheme based on turnovers and counter attacks. Rogers, midfielder Emanuel Ekpo, and forward Emelio Renteria are very speedy, and even 34 year old Jeff Cunningham still has some petrol left in the engine to have a breakaway goal or two this season.

No way, Maddow is definitely more handsome

The midfield underwent the most significant change of the whole team. Not only did Schelotto leave, but Brian Carroll, who played more minutes than anyone on the team besides Schelotto, has also left and has joined Eastern Conference rivals Philadelphia Union. While Carroll isn't much of a playmaker, he wins the ball and rarely loses it. That job would probably have gone to Adam Moffat, but the Scot now collects his paycheques in Portland. Josh Gardner is new to the Crew this year, and his name could very well be penciled in the starting lineup in order to create the turnovers in the midfield. Another newcomer is Leandre Griffit, who had been toiling away in the Belgian third division last season. I didn't even realise Belgium had a third division. I predict him to be as successful in Major League Soccer as Nick Saban was for the Miami Dolphins. And I expect him to be around just as long.

The defence seems to be the least suspect area of the team. Chad Marshall is a top five centreback, Andy Iro has got to be the largest person in the league, Will Hesmer is a top five goalkeeper if he heals up, and Sebastian Miranda might just be better than Frankie Hejduk was in that right back position. I'd applaud Danny O'Rourke for his ferociousness, but he is a liability thanks to his propensity to get booked, an thus he is must now compete with Caribbean scrubs Julius James and Shaun Francis for pitch time. And what a competition that will be! They might as well play with three in the back just to avoid giving those three any time on the field.

As good as the Crew were in the last two years, they may be equally as bad. Too many important pieces of the puzzle have been changed, and their recent performances against Real Salt Lake in the CONCACAF Champions League don't exactly inspire confidence. They might end up with the most drastically worse record this season. Well, Crew supporters, it looks like you're in for a season of Rebuilding.

Players to watch: Sebastian Miranda, Emilio Renteria

Projected 2011 finish: 7th in the Eastern Conference

MLS 2011 Season Preview and Predictions: Colorado Rapids

2011-03-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

If "The Linc" is short for Lincoln Financial Field, what is short for Dick's Sporting Goods Park?

I've got a riddle for you: What has two of the best strikers in the league and is about to get a third? I'll give you a hint: They won the 2010 MLS Cup. If Gary Smith can keep Omar Cummings from making a lucrative move to Europe during the summer transfer window, then a very dangerous strike duo just may become a venomous triumvirate of goal scorers, as the Rapids are poised to bring Caleb Folan into the squad. While 12 goals in 58 appearances for Hull City is not a particularly brilliant statistic, his sheer size is impressive in and of itself. Let us not forget that Conor Casey had only scored 2 goals in 38 appearances for Mainz before he came to MLS, and now he is a tried and true striker in his domestic league. And once Mac Kandji heals from his heroic injury in last year's MLS Cup final, the forward situation in Commerce City will be the envy of the league, not to mention a thorn in the side of Andre Akpan, the Harvard graduate who hopes that his minutes on the pitch this season will be greater than his Intelligence Quotient.

The Rapids also look structurally sound in the rest of the squad. Sure Pablo Mastroeni (whose name is unpronounceable to half of the soccer commentary world) isn't exactly on the backswing of his career, but in 2010 he played with just as much vigor and tenacity as we have come to expect from the captain. His two goals and three assists were also personal bests, and the Arizona native doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon. And when he does slow down, Jeff Larentowicz will be right there to pick up the slack. The American Ginger Prince is organised, aggressive, and possesses a wicked right foot that even the English Ginger Prince would admire. The marauding runs from Jamie Smith were the perfect complement to Casey's aerial ability, and the flank play has been strengthened even further as Sanna Nyassi has been added to the stable that already houses Smith, Wells Thompson, and Brian Mullan. Considering the depth of the forwards and midfield, it is a wonder that this team lost a third of it's regular season games last season.

Cheer up, Scholesy, your dream move to "The Dick" could still be on the horizon

On the defensive side, Colorado have retained every player that started the MLS Cup Final, and to split them up would be about as self destructive as Charlie Sheen after a payday. Matt Pickens organised the back four very well, and now Ian Joyce, another American goalkeeper with English experience, is ready as an understudy in case the injury bug bites Pickens. In fact, that injury bug may be the only problem the Rapids defence could have this season. While their starters have congealed well into a respectable bunch, their backups at centreback includes an aging Tyrone Marshall (who looks far less Jamaican than Omar Cummings), and Scott "Glutes" Pagluta, who played only 560 minutes last season. If this backline can stay healthy over a grueling 8 months, then perhaps back to back MLS Cups are within reach. Now if only the fans would show up.

Player to watch: Caleb Folan, Sanna Nyassi, academy product Davy Armstrong
Prediction for 2011: 4th in the Western Conference

MLS 2011 Season Preview and Predictions: Chivas USA

2011-03-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Maybe the attendance would have been better if they fielded this team in 2010.

Since their inception in 2005, perhaps no other team in Major League Soccer has been so up and down. Despite having a dismal total record of 62 wins, 44 draws, and 78 losses, Chivas have had four very competitive years sandwiched by two abysmal years. One of those abysmal years was 2010, when the loss of Preki as the manager took a much larger toll than was foreseen by owner Jorge Vergera and they finished ahead of only DC United in both goals scored and the overall standings. With such an awful previous season, in 2011 the Galaxy's little brother has only one direction to go.......Up, of course.

As much as I wanted to label Vergera "mentally disabled" after giving Preki the chop, I will refrain from such childish name calling thanks to the fact that he hired Robin Fraser as the new head coach. Robin Fraser had a long and successful career in MLS, which, during his day, was about as difficult to do as scoring tickets to a Chivas USA game is these days. It only makes sense that Fraser hired Greg Vanney as his assistant coach. Both were defenders on the Galaxy in the late '90s, both earned a handful of caps, and neither player was very good for very long. And when two defenders are at the helm of a side that was fourth worst in the league last year at defence, the fact that more defenders were recruited to the Goats' cause is about as surprising as learning that Keanu Reeves was never "classically trained in the arts." But none the less, Jimmy Conrad and Heath Pearce are set to take their places in front of either Dan Kennedy or Zac Thornton, and Sal Zizzo was sent to Portland to make room. Whilst I have always fully endorsed Heath Pearce's left foot and Jimmy Conrad's work rate and lighthearted personality, the Blancorojas still have to prove on the field that their defensive makeover isn't just a facade. Because, if we are being honest, we cannot count on this offense.

His virtuoso performance was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Justin Braun might be the next Brian McBride, Blair Gavin would have been a Rookie of the Year candidate if his season wasn't interrupted by an injury, and Jesus Padilla has some flair, but the rest of the team are about as effective as the TSA Body Scanning machines. Alan Gordon is just a new version of John Wolyniec- a striker that doesn't score goals. What's worse is that the team always seems slow. They had no one who could consistently stretch the defense and accept a 40 yard ball, not that Simon Elliot (who was more handsome than only Wilman "Caveman" Conde) or any of the other Chivas scrubs has the ability to play such a ball. For Chivas to avoid another down season, their wing play is going to be essential. Crosses to Braun and Gordon are the only way that this team can pose a threat, so Tristan Bowen, Brian de la Fuente, and Jorge Flores might want to start working on their step-overs, wind sprints, and aerial passing.

Players to watch: Justin Braun, Blair Gaven, Victor Estupinan, Zarek Valentin

Prediction: 8th in the West

MLS 2011 Predictions and Preview: Chicago Fire

2011-03-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

Last year's attendance was below the league average

So long Brian McBride, Collins John, and Freddie Ljungberg, hello.... a bunch of names I can't pronounce. While McGod has retired as a US Soccer Legend, Ljungberg has moved back to the British Isles, and Collins John must impose his mediocrity on some other poor, unsuspecting team, the Chicago Fire have brought in some new faces to fill the void. Ljungberg's seven assists and two goals in just fifteen games played was productive to say the least, but not enough so to secure a playoff position for this once proud franchise. That creativity now lies on the shoulders of newcomers Gaston Puerari , Diego Chavez, and Marko Maric. And while these names are rather unknown to MLS fans (and, to be honest, most soccer fans in general), some more recognisable names are still hanging around Bridgeview that are ready to build on the previous campaign. Marco Pappa, besides being on a shortlist for Coolest Name in MLS, led the Fire with seven goals including a couple of which were absolute gems . But seven goals is not enough for the team's top scorer, and Section 8 will hope that Chavez and Maric can provide that attacking technique in the penalty area that a foreign player is supposed to possess. Former Dutch prodigy Collins John was supposed to have such an ability, but was essentially a flop with a meager three goals. And as for Calen Carr, if he scores four goals I will be impressed.

With the addition of Maric, the first team midfield seems to be in good shape. 2010 assist leader Patrick Nyarko might be the fastest player in the league, Pappa and Baggio Husidic can spur on the attack, and captain Logan Pause (also one of the coolest names in MLS) has shown for years now that he is a capable holding midfielder with both vision and steel. But in order to be a threat in November, Marko Maric must replicate the creativity, unpredictability, and offensive production that Cuahtemoc Blanco had shown in his time in Chicago that the Fire had woefully missed last season.

Goodbye, Caveman!

Sean Johnson (not to be confused with Shawn Johnson) looked decent for a rookie goalkeeper last year, and is now charged with the difficult task of avoiding the Sophomore Slump and proving that he can do it again. (If you think the Sophomore Slump doesn't apply to MLS goalkeepers, just ask Troy Perkins, who was a godsend at United when Nick Rimando was injured, and has been ordinary ever since.) Unfortunately for Johnson, Wilman "Caveman" Conde is no longer listed on the team roster, and Corey Gibbs hasn't been the rock solid defender his once was. The good news is that Gonzalo Segares is back, CJ Brown is finally gone four years after he should have retired, and Josip Mikulic has been brought in to compete with Dasan Robinson and Bratislav Ristic for a starting spot. Wait a second. Marko Maric, Baggio Husidic, Josip Mikulic, Bratislav Ristic- allow me to access my inner Jerry Seinfeld and ask "What's the deal with all of these Eastern Europeans? Is this a roster or a list of defendants on trial for war crimes? Who votes for "Iron Curtain" as the nickname for the Fire if they lead the league in fewest goals against?"

Also, kudos to whoever in the front office had enough American spirit to call the official name of the team "Chicago Fire Soccer Club." Fire fans should be proud.

Players to watch: Diego Chavez, Academy product Victor Pineda, and any Eastern Europeans
Projected 2011 Finish: 4th in the Eastern Conference

Catalan Meltdown on the Horizon?

2011-02-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

Arsenal are on the verge of magnificence, having bested the most talented team on earth a few days ago in an unlikely come-from-behind 2-1 victory at the Emirates Stadium. What is even more unlikely is that both of Arsenal's goals came after Nicolas "I'd rather be skiing" Bendtner came on the pitch. The same team who only 5 years ago completed a reciprocal comeback against Arsenal at the Stade de France couldn't hold on to their one goal lead forever, as the precision of Robin van Persie and the pace of Samir Nasri proved too much to stifle.

On that 2006 Champions League winning side were some of my favourites: Henrik Larsson, Ludovic Giuly, Samuel Eto'o and that pitch invader who, with Miss Cleo-like foresight, handed Thierry Henry his first ever Barcelona kit. It sounds foolish to suggest that the best team in the world need to be even better if they want to climb out of the 2-1 hole in which they find themselves, but perhaps they could use help from some of those living legends. After the Londoners conceded their first goal, Laurent Koscielny, another cheap, insightful French (no surprise) pick-up from Monsieur Wenger, seemed to take the goal as a personal insult and played with a spirit unseen since the days of a drunk Tony Adams.

Moreover, with Szczesny in goal Arsenal seem like they have found an adequate successor to Jens Lehman, so now Manuel Almunia can sit comfortably on the sideline, and the Arsenal supporters can sit comfortably in the stands knowing that when a cross comes in they won't have to close their eyes and pray that it won't be mishandled. These new developments in the Gunners' defence will require mighty Barca to be at their very best, especially Lionel Messi who was kept under control, as opposed to Gennaro Gattuso's temper Tuesday evening in Milan.

But let us not forget about whom we are talking. This is mighty Barcelona- leaders of La Liga, owners of 8 out of the 11 starting Spaniards on the defending World Cup squad, and according to both Jack Wilshire and Fransesc Fabregas, the best team in the world. And when we look at the task at hand, it doesn't seem so difficult after all: Win at the Nou Camp and you move on to the quartfinals. So far this Champions League season, no team has won at the Nou Camp (besides Barcelona of course). Then again, Inter Milan beat this Barcelona side in two legs last season on their way to a Treble, so it isn't impossible. Perhaps some time in the film room will serve Arsene Wenger and his staff well in three weeks. The film will demonstrate just how Inter Milan won- using boring Jose Mourinho tactics of 11 men behind the ball, and Wenger isn't one to sacrifice his beautiful game for a result, even as the decidedly undersized dog in the cage. Nor is he one to employ the same tactics as a man who insulted his dignity.

Arsenal have the ability to get a result and survive the fixture, but they most certainly will not. 95,000 Catalan will witness a brave performance by a naive Arsenal side that will try to pass around and attack Barcelona, but it will fall short because their coach, whom I love, will refuse to swallow his pride and pack the field. The post game press conference is almost more predictable than the game itself. Wenger will praise his team's effort, then praise Barcelona's style of play, and probably use the phrase "played fahntasteeck futbowl" three or more times.

Besides myself, Manchester United fans should also hope that Arsenal win this fixture so that the Champions League can further distract Fabregas and Company, who are a mere four points back and firing on all cylindars.

-JT

Come On Everybody, We're Going Streaking!

2011-02-09T14:01:00.000-08:00

A quick entry on this Wednesday of international friendlies. As a dedicated gambling aficionado, I regularly play ESPN’s The Streak game on espn.com, which promises thousands of dollars if you can amass 27 correct picks in a row from a smorgasbourd of various final score odds and prop bets. As a fan of the World's Game, I always go out of my way to pick the soccer matches that are offered. With three good ones on the board today, here are my picks, a quick primer on why I picked as I did, the overall consensus of Streak players, and a brief review of the outcome. Prepare to lose quite a bit of faith in my soccer prognostication skills. That is, if you had any faith left before I called Chris Hughton "Newcastle's manager of the future" three days before he was sacked. To the games!

Streaking + football usually leads to some ugly results.

10:00AM (EST) – Canada (Win, Draw, Lose by 1) @ Greece (Win by 2+ goals): I chose Greece, because as this blog has documented in the past, Canada sucks, so I took Greece to win by 2 or more. However, I forgot that Greece is one of the most negative teams never to have been coached by Roy Hodgson, and as such, I should have realised that Canada's extreme suckitude and Greece's home field advantage and laque of attaque would most likely result in a 1-0 Greek triumph. Therefore, I SHOULD HAVE picked Canada in anticipation of a 1-0 slopfest that would probably play out like an MLS documentary. After realising the error of my ways, I tried to quickly change my pick before kick-off, but it was already locked. I lost my 3 game streak, thanks to, surprise surprise, a 1-0 Grecian victory through the (probably) greasy Ioannis Fetfatzidis. A surprisingly pro-Canadian sentiment emerged among my fellow streakers, as 71.1 percent of all participants took Canada’s odds in this match. Meanwhile, I got thrown in the sharpshooter and felt like calling it a night, even though it was 11:55 AM local time and I was expected to be at work for 5 more hours. At least I had an hour to ponder the errors of my ways before game #2...

1:00PM (EST) – South Korea (Win or Draw) @ Turkey (Win): Not surprisingly, 85.8 percent of streakers liked South Korea’s odds. They are coming off a strong performance in the Asian Cup, which ultimately ended with a third-place finish, plus they win the pick in the somewhat likely event of a draw. Their opponent, Turkey, are a hot and cold side who have recently been frigid; they have lost their last three matches while being shut out. Two of those losses were understandable setbacks, at Germany and the Netherlands, but the third was a dodgy loss at Azerbaijan in the Euro 2012 qualifying round. I wrestled with the idea of picking Turkey to win outright, mostly on the merit of their likely rowdy home crowd and the fact that they need to round into form if they have any hopes of qualifying for Euro 2012. I ended up tabbing South Korea, thanks to the added bonus of winning my pick if the teams draw. And draw they did, in a Hacksaw Jim Duggan bloodbath that saw quite a sprinkling of cards, including two yellows in three minutes and an early exit for former Newcastle Turk Emre Belozoglu only 60 minutes into the game. I win ugly and move to 1-1 before quickly heading to the rubber match of the day...

3:00PM (EST) – Brazil (Win) @ France (Win or Draw): If not the most intriguing matchup of the day, this one is certainly in a 3-way tie with Argentina-Portugal and Germany-Italy. I took the Selecao to win outright, simply because I don’t fully trust France yet, even after their 2-1 victory at England in a friendly a few months back. I wanted to see France string a few meaningful wins together before I went picking them to win anything over a top-class team. As for Brasil, they appeared to be heading back to their freewheeling best with the addition of a clutch of young talent, and I expected a full-on show, considering this was only a friendly tie. Of course, Hernanes’ petulant red card in the 40th minute dashed any hopes I had of a high-flying performance from Brasil, and even before that, they were looking rather ordinary. And of all the matchwinners on the pitch, the comically inept Karim Benzema ended up converting a chance only Maxi Rodriguez could foil, and France tied up the ends for a 1-0 victory. With 82.3 percent of fellow Streak players choosing Brasil, there are probably a few other pissy losers. Brasil's subs were surprisingly conservative, using their first two subs to replace two forwards with two midfielders, including the defencive-minded Sandro. On the flip side, I suppose this counts as another meaningful win for les Grenouilles, who may recapture top team status yet.

With the final result, my streak reverts to zero for the second time in five hours. At least there are no ESPN bookies to smash my kneecaps. Until next time...

Dom Grotti